To Marry or Not to Marry?

I have to admit, the first half of my life marriage was on my goal list. Probably more because I thought it was supposed to be than anything else. Yes there was a real desire there for marriage but for all the wrong reasons. The external pressure became greater than my internal desire for marriage. As I grew to embrace my single status, my purpose, pursuing my destiny, and a deeper intimacy with Christ, marriage fell off my goal list and I realized that it wasn’t so much that I wanted to be married… I wanted to be married to the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. At the time I had not met that person. This is when I realized that the end goal should not be just getting married. The end goal should be spending your life with someone that you met who is so wonderful ¬†you no longer want to live apart from them. When no one like that is in sight I find that marriage is not on my list of things to do. There is no inspiration for it. I do not want to marry a dream or an oasis. I want to marry a real live man who adds to my world, who challenges me to be a better me, who takes me to a whole new level of understanding the love of God.

I believe it is important to understand the purpose of marriage through God’s eyes in order to put marriage in perspective. Marriage is more about God’s will and kingdom agenda than about our personal desires. God wants to put together power couples that reflect what the kingdom of God looks like and how it works. The intimacy, children, joy and validation we get are all extra perks, company benefits I will say, but they they are not the purpose of marriage. With this in mind, those of us who are single need to live each day with great purpose– the goal of becoming the best we can be. Whole, thriving and joyful! Have something to bring to the party called marriage should you reach the altar. The more fulfilled you are as a single the greater your power to choose the right mate. Desperation will never have the advantage of decieving you to settle for less thatn the best God has for you. The richer your life as a single person the greater your life will be as a married person. The more fulfilled you are as a single person, the least likely you will be to walk into marriage with unrealistic expectations that threaten to rob your joy and ruin your marriage. Should marriage be a goal? I think not. The goal is being where God wants you to be at any given moment, because that is the best place to be. In His presence is fulness of joy.

About Michelle McKinney Hammond

Michelle McKinney Hammond is the best-selling author of over 40 books on living, loving and overcoming. She is also a singer, international speaker, business entrepreneur, and television cohost of TCT's 3D Woman, as well as the Emmy award winning women's talk show Aspiring Woman. Known as a relationship expert and lifestyle architect, Michelle focuses on giving others practical life tools to help them excel in every area of life. Log on to for more info.
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22 Responses to To Marry or Not to Marry?

  1. Regina says:

    Blessings to you for posting this. It is right on time for me.

  2. Stormy says:

    FANTASTIC! Thanks for the words of wisdom! Continue to walk in God’s favor!

  3. Judy Maxim says:

    thank you Michelle, may God keep encouraging and inspiring You and blessing You.

  4. says:

    I love this! I love you for posting this sister! At 35 I get ridiculed often, somtimes even treated like one of the kids, and after 3 failed engagements, ive been even called gay. But the devil is a liar, & I’ve always known, God has a plan for me. I trief to “hold on to”, like everyone advised, the last man who was the worst of the 3. The first was too controlling, & the second, too misguided. It was difficult, but I was blessed even through hurtful events like a miscarriage, 9-11, & bankruptcy. With number 3 we endured more than most married couples in 20 years, & yet his heart, his spirit….smh….i cried out to the Lord & He said, “Let go” despite all the “sage wisdom” as a confusef yoing lady, I stayedin church & in the word! Pastor said it, and in prayer I heard it again! Meanwhile momma wsnted a grandchild, he was cheating & keeping me “well kept”, everyone said stay, but God said, “let it go!” what about babies? You are getting old! You work in health! You must want a down syndrom child! He’s a good man, so ehat I’ll take him if you don’t want him….And God spoke to me again & said: “Let him go! Don’t you love me above all else? Listen to me!” I tell you this, healing, truly facjng all the wounds, and healing, along with falling in love with Christ has been THE BEST thing I ever did for my heart, my spirit, my soul, my life. He is here every single day, and although some have their opinions!! …..smh…..I am free.

  5. This is Truth! I am a single celibate woman and have three children and a grandson. I have never been married and was incomplete for many years, thinking that a man completed me but I am a woman who overcame in December of 2009 and now I am WHOLE & COMPLETE in Jesus! Though God have shown me who my husband is I know we have a lot of growing and it is not time to marry so I embrace my singleness as much as I can. I am NOT desperate ANYMORE Praise God! This article was an inspiration thank you for sharing. God Bless You…

  6. Ier says:

    Thanks for this Michelle. WORD! God bless you.

  7. Tina says:

    Awesome! This is such a timely Word! Thank you for allowing God to speak to me through you! I am truly encouraged. I am trusting God in area of my life.

  8. Vivian says:

    I so agree with this perspective Michelle. Since I was a younger woman I have always look to marriage with a purpose. After several disappointments my focus began to shift to the company benefits, particularly the joy of being a mother. With that shift in focus desperation became a factor. That desperation then led to bad choices.Then I had to stop because even desperation could not override the God-given purpose that was so much a part of me. And I have not choice but to wait on God because I can not live outside of my purpose. Thank you for sharing this because it is a word of encouragement for those like me. God bless you as you wait for His best.

  9. Pam says:

    I enjoyed reading this blog, but I have to say that I do agree you have to be a whole full filled person before you get married however you are a person in yourself in your late forties/fifties and for years I have heard you say you are believing God for a spouse. Are you praying to have kids with your husband to be as well?

    • Actually I am in my fifties! I have lots of children in my life and feel no need to birth any babies! I prefer to be in center of Gods will where there is always perfect peace. I thought early in my life that I would have children but obviously that was not Gods plan and I settled that issue and released it long ago. Now I see Gods wisdom in the way my life has turned out. I can truly say I have no regrets. What God wills for you, He also makes alright with you.

      • Denise says:

        Thanks for your response. I’ve often wondered if you ever wanted children. I’m in the same situation at 47 but wanted (dream that is now dead) children badly. I constantly work with and take care of children even now but it is NOT the same and feel a huge void. At this age (and have been in menopause since 40) I feel I’ve been cheated and many people treat me as if i know nothing about children and like something is wrong with me because I don’t have them and are still single. Watched my sister struggle as a divorced single and many times helped
        her. I never wanted that life either so didn’t adopt. Now I don’t want children as a older person. It is a everyday struggle and constant reminder of an unexpected journey in life. As a Christian all of my life, I know God as a plan and honestly even though I know it’s the best for me, I don’t like it and struggle coming to terms with where I am at this stage of life. I’ve lived, worked and travelled (in a foreign country) but have spent more time taking care of my siblings and parent. Always thought that was my purpose since God didn’t give me a husband or children. Now I’m not sure. I’ve read many of your books and thank God for you. I know the grass is not always greener on the other side so I count my blessings and continue to hope and pray I find contentment in this situation.

  10. Monica Martin says:

    Thank you for sharing this. As I am taking my walk with Christ as a single person, I’m no longer focusing on being with someone or getting married. I am so excited to experience and do the works that God has me to do. Because, I know that once I have established an intimate relationship with Him, there is no limit to What God can do in my life for the greater good.

  11. james says:

    wow,how true

  12. Rita says:

    wow thats a great talk out there.

  13. Martha Kamau says:

    I love your message and totally agree with it. I thank God for you and for Him using you as a vessel. I am actually married but have a burden for single ladies. I agree with everything you have said. Be everything you can be for God’s glory.

  14. On a side note when there are troubles in a relationship or marriage, good communication is very critical between the partners and it’ll make the life and the relationship a lot easier. Emotional bonding with the partner is also very essential. Also one needs to make sure that the problems along with the issues are taken care of quickly.
    Have a great day.

  15. I really appreciate your openness and honest sharing. One of the things I have recently come into the understanding about is, it’s not as difficult as we make it out to be to meet someone and get married, but the challenge is what do we do afterwards. Because so many people as you eluded to desire marriage and enter into marriage for the wrong reasons, they are ill equipped to handle the challenges that come. And I wholeheartedly agree with something that you said in one of your replies when you were asked about having children, that whatever God has planned for you, he makes alright with you. And that’s definitely the case we our life plans contradict the plan that He has for us. And certainly, a key to finding the right one is the further enrichment they will bring to your life and that indeed finding someone that you can spend the rest of your life with and cannot live without. #James

  16. That last paragraph, hit the nail on the head. As a “yoked up” person responding, I didn’t even fathom the true meaning of marriage from a Christian perspective until I was in deep. Mind you, I’m still kicking up my heels (wait, I probably shouldn’t have said that quite like that) in my marriage, but if I had processed sooner that I was to be my husband’s “church” so to speak, I would have made a much better spouse. I didn’t know the gravity of the commitment I made that faithful day in October of 1998. Likewise, honey-poo would have been a little less rough around the edges too. In hindsight though, God reveals His truths to us in His own divine time, and when I was made aware of this truth, the truth of our union being a picture of God’s relationship with His church, I had to think about this thing differently and act on the biblical perspective. Everything now is beautiful, in the all encompassing definition of beautiful. Not perfect, but just beautiful. My marriage “ain’t gotta thang to do with me and him,” but everything to do with the message that God is trying to send to the world through our union. Your knowing this and expressing these sentiments so tenderly and with such candor is what makes you a beautiful light to those women who may be “itching and scratching” to get it in with a husband. It is more than it’s cracked up to be, so look at God and let Him guide and direct you rib to rib.
    Bless you Michelle,

  17. P2P4U net says:

    This genuinely answered my challenge, thank you!

  18. Pakis Briggs says:

    All I can say is, “thank you, mummy michelle”. I’m glad I came across your book. I would love to meet you and give you a ‘thank-you hug’ for just one reason – for choosing to let God use you to bless christian singles. I’m 24 and I’m learning early. God bless you. :)

  19. I hear you. Just remember that being married does not guarantee that you will have someone to talk to. Many married people feel alone in their marriages which is even worse!

  20. Tabatha says:

    So So true Michelle I know many married people, trying to get unmarried

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